Churches are funny things. I've never really been one for church myself, despite being somewhat intruiged by other people's faith. But it's important to MamaM, so we go to churches. quite a few of them. Before we moved two summers ago, we were regularly attending services at a church close to where we lived. Small congregation, big old building, mainline protestant. We were very involved, we did the sunday school, and helped to lead one service a month. (Most people called it a "youth"service, but we called it the "queer" service between ourselves - being as there weren't (m)any other youth or queers who attended). The congregation is very loving, eclectic, and capable. Qualities that are required of a group of people who haven't had a full-time regular minister for years. When LittleE was born, we kind of jumped ship. We did jump ship. By being super-involved, we could make sure things were queer-friendly. But when things got busy, we didn't have the energy to do things like make sure we knew the guest ministers weren't preaching against gay marriage or something. So, out of tiredness and laziness and internalized homophobia, and plain old fear of conflict, we just started going to the church with a rainbow flag on the sign. Or at least MamaM did, I do laundry and homework on sundays.
We've also haven't had LittleE baptized yet. We think about it enough, but haven't felt right about any of our spiritual spaces taking that on yet.
Yesterday, our old church invited us to come visit.
During the service, the whole congregation made a circle around us, told us they loved us, and presented a bible to LittleE that they had all signed. We said a prayer together for families in all their shapes and sizes. And sang the last hymn all standing together in front of the chancel.
I got kind of blubbery about it.
Cuz that was what i was hoping for from a baptism - a congregation to celebrate with us the birth of LittleE, to acknowledge that our household is queer, and that family is built firstly by love. They signed the bible to LittleE from "your first church family"
(insert here the bit about God, Love, and Jesus as a model for building family and community from love. Where blood is a big part of things, but not the biggest part.)
I don't know if we will make it back there from where our lives are now. I'm increasingly a medstudent, and MamaM is the treasurer for most of the christians and anarchists around town these days it seems, and they have no kids program any more . . . but that love, spoken, makes me want to be worthy of it.
* the title is from Cherie Moraga's book Waiting in the Wings.
